Monday, March 7, 2011

Crazy-Bitch-Get-Out-Of-My-House Pie

As you may have gathered, I've been having some problems at home of late.  These center largely around a crazy person being brought into my home against my will.  As therapy for this, a good friend had suggested I bake something for the occasion, a la Waitress, and behold, Crazy Bitch Get Out Of My House Pie was born.  It is apt for getting crazy bitches out of one's house, as it is loud and annoying (uses the blender), includes things this particular crazy bitch hates (calories, also fun) and includes alcohol in case the crazy bitch won't leave and you need to feel better.

Saltine crust
-1 sleeve saltines, crushed (you can do this by hand in the wrapper, because you have to take your rage out on something, and I recommend poor, defenseless crackers as opposed to, you know, people)
-Approx. 6T butter, melted
-1t water
Mix these things in your pie plate.  Press into crust shape.  Bake at 350 for 5 minutes.

Make the crust ahead of time and let it cool before you do the filling.  Or don't, if you're impatient, like I am.

Spicy Chocolate Filling of Rage
2 1/4 c. chocolate chips
1/3 c. sugar
3 eggs
3/4 c. milk, hot
2 T Kahlua
2 T chocolate liquor
1/3 c. Jacque Torres Wicked hot chocolate mix (because I had it on hand; you could use any spicy chocolate bar, or just throw in extra chips)
dash cinnamon, cayenne, chipotle chili powder (or whatever spices you like and have available)

Put chips, sugar, and eggs in blender and mix.
Add the hot milk, booze, hot chocolate mix, and spices.  Mix more.
Pour into pie crust.  Chill until firm.
Hope and pray that by the time the pie is ready the crazy bitch has left your home.

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